The holidays are my favorite time of year. Billings is so festive with all the pretty snow and happy humans, and even my home here at ZooMontana feels more magical with twinkling lights and the smiles of kids who come to visit.

But it’s also when I get to write a letter about stuff I want. Sweet potatoes are always at the top of the list. And when I’ve been good all year long, I’m rewarded with a delicious orange treat for the holiday. Last year, I asked for a companion sloth, but all I got was an emotional support twig even though I was really good.

I assumed that you win some and lose some. But then I took a closer look at these letters to Santa, and I think I cracked the linguistic and stylistic code for getting what you wish for every single time.

Follow along with my tips for writing letters to Santa, and you’ll get everything you wish for.

1. Start out with some flattery.

Dear most exalted Santa Claus: I really admire your gigantic belly. You must get to eat a lot of sweet potatoes. And that makes sense, given that big white James Beard you have, which I know means you operate amazing restaurants like some we have in Billings: Walkers Grill, The Marble Table and Veronika’s Pastry Shop.

 

2. Share a little bit about yourself to develop a rapport.

My name is Winston, and I’m kind of a big deal here in Billings. I’m a sloth, author and slothathropist. My favorite activities are exploring the Billings Brew Trail, not hiking along the trails at the Rimrocks, and Sudoku.

3. Build up your character quality. It’s ok to fib a little bit, but don’t stray too far from the truth. He’ll know.

I’ve been a very good sloth all year. Well, mostly. But in my defense, Pabu (that attention-seeking red panda) had it coming. And I didn’t even bite hard.

4. Hit him with the wish list – and be specific. Otherwise, you’ll get an emotional support twig.

This holiday season, I would like passes to the Yellowstone Art Museum to see the artwork of famous illustrator, Will James. And when summer comes, I would like to take a motorcycle ride on the Beartooth Highway. So I also will be needing a helmet and motorcycle. And, of course, I would like 300 sweet potatoes.

5. Show some generosity of spirit and think of what your friends might like for the holidays. This implies you aren’t greedy. Also, if it’s not too much to ask, I would like Director Jeff to receive tickets to any show at the Alberta Bair Theater.

 

 

6. Write a compelling conclusion.

In conclusion, I’ve been mostly well-behaved, my wish-list is reasonable, and I promise to keep being so fantastically loveable.

See how easy that was? With a little practice, you can be just as good as me. Happy writing!